


Mirror, Mirror

by LastVerse



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Eating Disorders, Gen, Internalized racism, Non-Graphic Violence, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-27
Updated: 2014-01-27
Packaged: 2018-01-10 05:17:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1155546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LastVerse/pseuds/LastVerse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was not them, it couldn’t be. There must have been something wrong with Regina, some defect that ran through her veins, tainting her and making it impossible for anyone to love her. Still, she tried.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mirror, Mirror

From the time that she was a little girl, Regina knew that there is something wrong with her. She was not enough for Mama; that she learned very quickly. She was not graceful enough, not clever enough, not pretty enough, not good enough..

Mama held her chin in her long, slim fingers and turned it from side to side, inspecting. Regina felt the shame burn, hot and stinging up her cheeks as Cora declared her unsatisfactory.

"You’re still getting fat, " Cora said airily.

Regina felt her stomach swoop and tears welled up in her eyes. “I’m sorry mama, I’ve been trying-“

Cora held up a hand, silencing her. “There’s no need to cry, Regina. I’m only trying to help you.” Her voice took on a hard edge. “Just try harder.”

So Regina tried and tried but no matter how much she pushed and deprived herself, it was never enough.

Her father handled her with caution, never speaking to Regina without looking over his shoulder first. Regina couldn’t understand it; she’d read all the stories of fathers who battle dragons for their children. Her father couldn't even have a conversation with her. 

But when Mama wrapped her magic around Regina’s body and squeezed, Regina’s eyes found her father standing in the corner of the room, frozen in place. Perhaps he was being restrained too, she thought as the air was slowly being forced out of her lungs. Surely that was why he couldn’t be like the cabellero in her stories and rescue her from the hurt.

But then her father turned on his heel, leaving her to deal with her dragon alone and she wondered what it was about her that made him think that she was not worth it.

In the end she determined that it was not them, it couldn’t be. There was something fundamentally lacking in her, some defect that ran in her veins, tainting her and making it impossible for anyone to love her.

She was petrified to be married to the King. She could see the way his eyes moved over her like she was a sweet he wanted to devour. It made her skin crawl and she just wanted to run, run, as far as her legs would take her. 

"Try to look on the bright side mija, the King will love you and take care of you," her father said patting her arm absentmindedly and Regina wanted to scream.

But as the wedding grew closer and the walls began closing in, she turned her thoughts away from the escape she now understood to be impossible. Instead, she remembered the way that the King had looked up at her when he proposed and told herself that at least he had deemed her worthy of his love.

Except, he didn’t. Leopold did not want her, not really. Who he really wanted was long gone Eva, but he settled for Regina instead. He reminded her just how disposable she was when he moved on top of her in her bed (never his) and he grunted Eva’s name into her neck as he came. She was reminded of her shortcomings every time she was forced to smile and clap for one of his speeches about how Snow was becoming more and more like her perfect mother every day.

Eva had been prettier, smarter and more interesting than Regina could ever hope to be.

Regina could feel the panic pulling her down; this felt exactly like it did with Mama and Papa. But she refused to give in without a fight. With her parents she was stumbling blindly for their approval, unsure from one day to the next what it was exactly that would win their love, real love.

With Leopold, she already knew.

Her gaze fell to the powder on the vanity, untouched since her arrival. She patted some onto her face, watching how it instantly paled her olive skin. She lined her eyes with kohl and painted her lips a deep red, the same colour that the portrait outside her door wore. The earrings she picked were similar to the teardrop shapes she knew Eva favoured and she turned her head to admire the way they swung delicately.

Eva’s dresses still hung in her wardrobe. Regina had gone back to the old habit of starving herself when since Leopold commented on how slim Eva had been compared to her. It had become an addiction, pushing herself to the edge of consciousness before satisfying her hunger. With every inch smaller she got, her confidence grew. She was going to make herself better, more loveable, perfect. She was taking control of her future, making the sacrifice required to earn her happiness.

The dress slipped over her frame easily and she breathed a sigh of relief. She pulled her curls until they straightened and looped them into a simple updo. Finally, she slid the shoes on to her feet, a bit taller than she was used to.

Regina gasped when she saw herself length mirror. She pressed her fingers lightly to the mirror’s surface and stared at her reflection. It was not Regina staring back. No, it was someone beautiful and powerful and special. She imagined the smile on Leopold’s face, his eyes lighting up the way they often did at the mere mention of Eva.

She pushed Leopold’s door open. He didn’t seem to notice, his back toward her as he looked over his balcony. Regina considered talking, coughing, something to get his attention, but decided against it. Instead she walked up behind him, her confidence growing with every awkward step of her too tall heels.

"Leopold," she said, touching his arm gently.

He started. Ah, Regina,” he said, vaguely nodding in her direction, his gaze still fixed on the darkened courtyard.

Regina moved forward and only then did Leopold seem to finally notice her. Regina straightened her shoulders and tried to remember her mothers lessons about grace, poise and allure. “Good evening, Leopold,”she purred.

His eyes narrowed. “What are you wearing?”

“I-“

His voice lowered to a growl. “Is this some sort of joke?”

"I-I- thought you’d like it.."

"What made you think I’d approve of you stealing from my wife?" He demanded. Leopold’s eyes flashed dangerously and Regina fell back, curling in on herself. No no no, this wasn’t how it was supposed to be

"I thought you wanted me to be more like Eva," she whispered.

"What?" His voice roared in her ears and spittle flew from his mouth as he brought his face inches from hers.

Regina’s ears were ringing and it was becoming harder to breathe, to think. She heard herself scream back at him. “I’m your wife!” She cried. “Eva’s gone, but I’m here and I am trying, Leopold!“

He slapped her and the force of it caused her to stumble in her high shoes and she fell to the ground.

"You don’t speak her name," He said, towering over her. Regina scrambled backwards on her elbows as he continued to advance, eyes darken with rage.

"You don’t touch her things," he added, leaning in close to her.

"And you don’t-" he said finally, tugging her to her feet roughly, "-dare tell me how to mourn her."

With that he shoved her away from him. She wobbled with one of the shoes still on, but kicked it off and gathered both into her arms before making her way out of the room. She could feel the tears welling in her eyes but she forced them away. Don’t be weak, the voice in her head mocked. You’ve already made a fool of yourself, don’t make it worse.

She was so concentrated on trying to hold back the self-loathing that was slowly growing stronger with every minute that she almost didn’t hear the King’s last command.

"Take it off."

She paused, looking over her shoulder before continuing to walk away. “I will,” she said numbly.

She could hear the pounding of his feet on the stone as he stormed up to her but she seemed to have damaged her ankle and each step sent a shooting pain up her calf. She could little more than stumble away like a newborn foal.

She felt fingers dig into her shoulder as Leopold forced her to turn and face him again. “I said, take it off,” he growled.

Her eyes went wide. Surely he didn’t mean-

"Please Leopold, my chambers are on the other side of the castle-"

He ignored her pleas, grabbed a fistful of the gown amd tugging it off her. “You should have thought about that before you decided to mock of my wife’s memory.” His hands were relentless now, tearing the dress off her roughly.

When the gown was finally in tatters at her feet and she was exposed to the night air in nothing but her undergarments, he took her by the arm again and pushed her out of his chambers.


End file.
